Would You Like Some Fries With That?

Between politicians of all stripes and the Cleveland Browns continuing saga – oops, if it were a saga, it might actually be worth following – I could change the award to Idiot of the Day. However, being an equal opportunist – believing in equality of opportunity, not equality of outcome – I decided to stay away from the messes we all know and love.

Have y’all heard about the idiot that left his cell phone in a McDonalds?

Yes, he got it back. But not after the little snoopers at McDonalds decided to navigate the pics on his cell phone.

And ogle a couple of them, of his naked wife. (Read the article here.) Then post them on the internet.

And he thought the employees would leave the phone alone. Yeah, right. That’s like the fox guarding the henhouse. Teenage boys (and girls) with someone else’s cell phone? Knowing that they are to hold the phone until the owner gets there?

I guess the customer got served all right. Just how dumb can you be. Keep it in the bedroom…and close the door!

The dumb man from Arkansas is my Idiot of the Week.

Oh, and for those who care: the Romeo Crennel / Phil Savage extermination watch officially started today. I think we’re at six days til liftoff with Romeo, and the Savage cleansing will occur the day after the Cleveland Browns season from hell ends. (Note: the linked article is worthless, other than to give some context.) The local afternoon talk radio personality had much more to say about it – and with higher quality information – than the Browns beat reporters did.

Stereotypes, Cheerleader Style

It’s almost too easy.

What do you call twenty-six teenage female cheerleaders in an elevator?

Before I answer that question, did you even SEE the story? No! Well then you might want to take a look.

If you still can’t see through the haze…er, pollution…er, fog…er, mist – yeah, that’s it, mist! (that’s what the Chinese say, isn’t it?) – then let me put it to you like this:

The girls probably might have weighed a combined 3,000 lb. Maybe.

They definitely outnumbered the max recommended riders. Who did the math and removed the sign? You know:

Hey Buffy!

Yes, Missy!

Can we all fit on this elevator, like, together?

I think I, um, passed math. Let me try…

Hmmm. 26 awesome cheerleaders. Capacity of 15. 26 minus 15 equals 11. Yes, we can still fit 11 more girls in the elevator. Let’s do it!

So, back to my original question: What do you call an twenty-six teenage female cheerleaders in an elevator?

a) The ultimate blonde moment
b) Airheads
c) Idiots of the Week
d) All of the above

I’ll let you answer that one on your own.

Bonito Bandito

“Everybody knows
that the world is full of stupid people”
Banditos, by The Refreshments

It must be hard being one of the beautiful people. I wouldn’t know. The guy in this story might think he knows. I decline to offer an opinion; after all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Even if the beholder is the local police force that has access to the bus video. How’s that reflection holding up for ya, fella? You’re so vain, you probably think this post is about you.

I wonder how he will look in a zebra suit? Or in bright orange?

Dude, you just became the Idiot of the Week! Congrats, you didn’t even have to steal this award.

You wear it well.

And, the two runners up?  The lady who sudokued her way to a mistrial in Australia.  (Yes, I realize I just verbed a noun.  Oops, I did it again!)  And also, the fine journalist who penned the article, for quoting the bozos that he did.  It’s not enough to simply enjoy the challenge of a puzzle any more, or to attain a sense of accomplishment, is it?  How selfish of us puzzle-people!  I guess that includes all doctors, engineers and computer programmers, too.  And all those geeks at NASA.

Out of Context

Ladies and Gentlemen,

We have four nominees for Idiot of the Week awards this past week.  I would like to thank Scottius Maximus for referring our final nominee (So they think they can dance, eh?  Not so!), which was added to the three presented here.

We have a hard enough time understanding what people are saying.  Then, you get this:

You think the newsprint coordinators had a fun time with the original ad?

Don’t know if the man is single or not.  If he was, you think he went to the singles bar afterward and showed off the original “thank you” that he received?  Can’t you just imagine the dialogue:

Geo:  Hey, baby, what’s your sign.

Bar floozie:  Stop sign.

Geo:  Come on, sugar. I gots me some credentials.  Look here.  (Shows bar floozie the first ad.)

Bar floozie: Wow, like, do you mean, like, an annual all-day one-night stand?

Geo: Let’s get in my ride and go back to my crib!

Bar floozie (finishing her drink):  Like, um, okay!

Interesting, eh.  Just hope the bar floozie didn’t see the retraction.  Unless she prefers shopping over sex, then she might like him even more, and might even tolerate one night of George.

And if that’s not bad enough, then you get this whack-job, courtesy of our British friends at Heathrow Airport:

Mr Jayakody said the first guard started joking with him about the Transformers character depicted on his French Connection T-shirt.

‘”Then he explains that since Megatron is holding a gun, I’m not allowed to fly,’ he said.

‘It’s a 40ft tall cartoon robot with a gun as an arm. There is no way this shirt is offensive in any way, and what I’m going to use the shirt to pretend I have a gun?

He was cooperative with the supervisor and took off the the ‘offensive’ T-shirt, replacing it with another shirt in his carry on luggage.

Think they took the t-shirt – and the rule – out of context?  I think so.  What would they have done if he was wearing a Marvin the Martian t-shirt?  Probably the same thing, but at least he could have said, “What’s up, Doc?”.

For the sheer lunacy of it all, I am going to declare Heathrow security, the Ladies of George Brownridge, and the St. Louis Cardinals event coordinators runners up for this week’s Idiot of the Week award.  No one comes close to the winner, though, a publik skoul kindy-garden teecher who supported this:

PORT ST. LUCIE — Melissa Barton said she is considering legal action after her son’s kindergarten teacher led his classmates to vote him out of class.

After each classmate was allowed to say what they didn’t like about Barton’s 5-year-old son, Alex, his Morningside Elementary teacher said they were going to take a vote, Barton said.

By a 14 to 2 margin, the class voted him out of the class.

And you think teens and adults can be tough?  The kid was a behavorial problem, but was in the process of being diagnosed with Asperger’s – a mild form of autism – and allegedly the teacher and school district knew it.  So, instead of taking the opportunity to teach kindergarteners about how all people are different, and show them true diversity, the teacher mocks the kid and shows how truly fake diversity and tolerance are.  Does the mother bear some responsibility for leaving her child in that class for so long?  Yes, but the action by the teacher was way over the top.  The teacher wins!