Stay Classy!

If you haven’t heard about the Miss America non-fiasco yet, read here.   If you want to read about intolerance masked as politically-correct groupthink, read here.

Between the question, which may or may not have been planted, the manufactured disdain at the contestant’s honest answer, and the retracted apology of the idiot whose name I won’t even mention (or use in my tags), I am flabbergasted.

Okay,  not really.  Of course you could see this coming.  That is, if you looked at the situation objectively, without the lens of political correctness.

You see, it’s no longer about being the “most qualified”, even if this was a beauty pageant.  It’s now the most qualified politically appropriate candidate that wins.

Don’t believe me?  Would Green Day’s American Idiot project been released had a Democrat been President?  Would they have even produced the project?  How about The Offspring’s Hammerhead?  Why wouldn’t some media outlets even review An American Carol?  Was it not a movie?  Were these not movie critics?  But they’d review Hairspray, and Harold and Kumar act like idiots…again, and any other mush-for-brains movie that came along.

The definition for “qualified” has changed.  Politics infiltrates everything.  It infiltrates religion, which can only bring religion down.  It infiltrates academia, and turns academia into the biggest intellectual joke this side of – um, er, the Potomac.  It infiltrates entertainment, because that’s the only way anyone will pay attention to it.

So an honest girl gives an honest answer and stands up for what she believes.  Sounds like a true American to me.  And she didn’t back down, much like Barry O backs down to each third world dictator.  Good for her.  Bad for the media for forgetting that the First Amendment applies to everyone.  Way to stay classy, idiots!

What Can Tags Do For You?

The internet never ceases to amaze me. Why? It’s not because of all the good stuff you can do with the technology. It’s also because of all the bad stuff you can do with technology. See, the internet is merely the tool. The internet doesn’t kill people…people kill people. (When will we need a license to carry wi fi? Oh, never mind.)

What amazes me about the internet is how many freaks are out there. No, I’m not talking about your run of the mill sicko. There are plenty of those types out there, and should have the light shone on them whenever possible.

I’m talking about the wanna-be paparazzi, those who can’t get enough of the “style” page in the NYT or anywhere else. Rome is burning, and these folks just have to find out what’s going on with Lindsay Lohan. I don’t get it.

Actually, I do get it. I posted this entry as one of the first topics of this blog. Who would have thought – and I realize that I’m setting myself up for it again – that the search term “Kelly Clarkson Fat” or some derivative thereof would get this site at least ten visits per day. After her Idol performance last night, that ballooned – no pun intended – to over one hundred hits.

Kids…and adults…get a life! Who cares if you think she’s fat or skinny. Once you get away from Anorexia Heaven (a.k.a. Hollywood) and start living in reality, you’ll notice that her build is no different from the common female…the ones who don’t spend – er, I mean waste – thousands of dollars to look like a beanpole with breasts.

You, too can be human. And you don’t have to find out who is fat or skinny before you enjoy your life. Idiots! You are a candidate for the IOTW award.

Dark Horse Wins Idiot of the Week

This week’s two Idiot of the Week candidates were running neck and neck for a while.  After all, what’s worse:  the Bush Administration’s IT folks not backing up e-mail records, or scientists’ ice measuring instrumentation failing so poorly that they missed an ice patch 193,000 square miles in area?  Both are really, really stupid.

As idiotic as they were, a late, local candidate not only nudged their way into this week’s competition, but managed to take home the award.

A local Cleveland band (mine) was scheduled to perform at a particular bar last night.  The contract was signed and approved in December.  Signed, sealed, delivered…right?  Well, not really.  I visited my social networking site for the first time in weeks on Thursday night to learn, lo and behold, another band that I follow was scheduled to play at that bar.  A double-booking, eh?  Kind of looked that way.  Then I remembered, the proprietor of the bar is the bassist in that other band.

Crud!  We have a signed contract, but it’s the owner’s band who was booked over us.  What to do?  What to do?

The owner spoke.  His band won…he couldn’t find our contract, even though we had a copy of it.  Instead of doing the right thing by un-scheduling his band and honoring the contract, he kept his band on the schedule.  We lucked out, however, as our guitarist cornered him into scheduling us in May and June.  We’ll see how THAT works out.

Mr. Local Bar Owner and Bassist in a Rock and Roll Band, you are the Idiot of the Week.  If you can’t hold onto and honor contracts, you should hire someone who will.

Overall, this happens to us once a year.  This should mean we already met our quota and won’t have it happen again until 2010.

Can’t You Read the Signs?

Sign Sign everywhere a sign
Blocking out the scenery breaking my mind
Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign
- Signs, Five Man Electrical Band

After listening to Tesla’s cover of this song – Signs, that is – I knew it was some kind of anti-establishment song.  What else could it be?  It is supposed to make a point about how some folks impose boundaries on others.  Whether you agree with the point of the song or not is up to you.  Frankly, I think it’s a stupid song.

Regardless, the last five words of the chorus are always appropriate.

Like this.  I could comment on the story, but it’s depressing.  These people should have known better.  Loss of life occurred because people couldn’t read (or in this case, observe) the signs.

But onto bigger fish.  I heard today that if the political stimulation package – oops, I mean “economic stimulus” package – were replaced with a refund to all tax payers, those tax payers would each receive $10,000.  Hey, I’d take that – getting back $10,000 of my paid taxes.  Gimme my money back, you…never mind, won’t finish that song (rated PG-13) here.

Instead, we get this.  The NYT chose not to read the signs.  The affirmative action voters – and I work with a couple handfuls of them, they will never vote in another presidential election unless a part-black candidate is involved – did not read the signs.  The “Bush is destroying the country” Democrats didn’t read the signs.

And neither did most of us.  Let me change the famous idiom “you are what you eat” to apply to where we are now:  We are who we elect.

Shame on us!

The signs were all there.  Shady relationships.  Hidden relationships.  Lack of vetting.  Voting “present” as a best practice.  Desire to compromise principles (oops, that was McCain).  Change isn’t always for the better.  The grass ain’t greener on the socialist side.

And the Republicans are barely better.  Barely.

Unfortunately, we let this be done to us.  We let the media tell us which candidates would be best for them us.  We look for rock stars, not humble civil servants.   We look for handouts, not freedom.

We are who we elect.  This bailout package proves it.  Let’s change it in 2010.  Please.

Otherwise, we will win this award over and over.

Tae Kwon Dumb

The Olympics made for must-see-TV for our entire family, from me right down to my six-year-old son. My wife was taken in by the gymnastics – she always is – and my daughter enjoyed watching everything in sight. My son just wanted the USA to win everything; he is ultra-competitive and couldn’t stand it when the “home team” lost. Oh, and I think he developed his first crush, too, on this gal:

We walked into a WalMart and into the electronics area where all of the TVs were showing – of course – the Olympics. During a gold medal montage, we saw swimming, track, volleyball, and gymnastics. My son knew the names of several of the performers, but only named one. It’s not the first time that happened during these Olympics.

But with the thrill of victory comes the agony of defeat, unsportsmanlike conduct, and hot air. The hot air came courtesy of IOC President, Jacques Rogge, who saw fit to criticize Usain Bolt’s celebrations more so than to criticize China, which tried to obfuscate when journalists foraged for evidence that China misrepresented the ages of some girls on their gymnastics team. Geez, Louise, Jacque (do you like Jerry Lewis, too?), way to show off your power. I could knock on Bolt for acting like someone who just won the biggest sporting event of his lifetime, too. But I think I’ll refrain from that. I probably wrote more about the Chinese gymnastics team here than Jacque mentioned about it. What’s the Arabic term for “Chinese dhimmi” again?

Unsportsmanlike conduct was delivered by the Cuban Tae Kwon Do (TKD) competitor Angel Matos, who delivered the agony of da feet to TKD referee Chakir Chelbat for disqualifying him. Adding insult (stupidy?) to injury was Fidel Castro’s defense of Matos. Of course, Cuba’s teams are shrinking and becoming less competitive because of the draw of greenbacks from that place up north (no, not Michigan). Fidel…buy a clue!!!

(And, Fidel, karma isn’t on your side, either. Tropical Storm Gustav may have its way with you.)

Thankfully, Tae Kwon Do officials know better, and are attempting to get Matos banned from the sport for life. My kids take Tae Kwon Do, and they know the guiding principles of the discipline. Maybe Matos ought to learn them, too.

To all those Olympians who did their best – whether they won or lost – congratulations! You served your countries proudly.

To Rogge, Matos, Castro and the “Chinese behind the curtain” at the Olympics, I have one more award for you:

And now I know why Guns & Roses named their “next” album “Chinese Democracy”…cuz it’ll never happen.

Bulls-eye!

Doesn’t this just about say it all:

I built a little empire out of some crazy garbage
Called the blood of the exploited working class
But they’ve overcome their shyness
Now they’re calling me Your Highness
And a world screams, “Kiss me, Son of God”

I destroyed a bond of friendship and respect
Between the only people left who’d even look me in the eye
Now I laugh and make a fortune
Off the same ones that I tortured
And a world screams, “Kiss me, Son of God”

I look like Jesus, so they say
But Mr. Jesus is very far away
Now you’re the only one here who can tell me if it’s true
That you love me and I love me

I built a little empire out of some crazy garbage
Called the blood of the exploited working class
But they’ve overcome their shyness
Now they’re calling me Your Highness
And a world screams, “Kiss me, Son of God”
Yes a world screams, “Kiss me, Son of God”

Now, let me ask you:

- Who wrote this?
- When was it written?
- To whom does it apply?

Okay, I’m impatient. I will answer the questions for you.

Who: They Might Be Giants (lyrics courtesy of Lyrics Depot)
When: 1991, on their album Miscellaneous T.
About whom: politicians

Looking at the current candidates for U.S. President – especially one in particular – looks like They Might Be Giants saw the future pretty well, eh?  It’s what happens when politicians want to be rock stars and vice versa.

But wait, there’s more!

I spent six days in L.A. last week. I never quite understood the term “nanny state”, but now I know exactly what it means. After practically every radio commercial, there was some type of disclaimer about safety, care or focus. I mean, every car commercial and cell phone commercial said something akin to, “while driving, don’t allow yourself to be distracted.” And while you’re at it, play nice, play fair, and look both ways before crossing the street. Now let me pat you on the head 2-3 times and squeeze you tight before letting you go on your way.

No, not Coulterville, CA

Hey, we have co-winners this week.  You might be surprised at who, though.

Mike Brown and LeBron James, you are the winners!

Why now, you ask? Wasn’t your season over last week, when you could have taken three of the four games from the Celtics in Boston? When you proved again that it really takes an honest effort to be THAT bad on offense?

Because, the editor had some time to reflect, that’s why?

I missed the first half of Game 7 due to family commitments. However, when I got to an internet connection at halftime, I saw the box score, and I knew it was over.  The game was still exciting, but I knew the Cavs wouldn’t win.

LeBron, your shots-to-assists ratio was horrible. It was all I needed to know. The team played better overall when you were in a slump and had to involve your teammates.

Weren’t you the pass-first phenom that was sure to average a triple-double per season by now? I liked the thought of 20 points, 10 rebounds, and 10-12 assists. I like it a lot better than 45 points, 5 assists, and whatever number of rebounds.

Did the media get to you and Kobe-ify you? You know, take over the game by shooting early and often? I have watched and played in enough baseball games to know that, if your pitcher slows down the game too much, fielders lose their focus and their energy. They still perform to the best of their abilities, but the wait between pitches will slow them down a bit.  What are you doing to your teammates by making them watch you dribble the ball for 15 seconds? If I knew you weren’t going to do anything until there were only 10 seconds left on the shot clock, I’d save my energy, too.

And, Mr. Mike, you are not free from guilt. How do you let him get away with it? Sheesh! You are the Head Coach!  You do an awesome job coaching the defense, but let your superstar – the superstar that wants to run and gun, allegedly – grind the offense to a halt.

Co-winners: that’s what you are.

But, since you are my beloved idiots, and my son replays practically every game in his head, I must offer a recommendation. I have the numbers I’d rather see from LeBron.

9-5-3-1-1

No, it’s not the zip code for Coulterville, CA. Actually, it is, but that’s not what I mean.

First, all numbers are per quarter numbers. Not averages, but hard numbers. Here we go:

9 – No, LeBron, I don’t mean points. There you go, thinking points first again. Get your head out of the sand. I’m talking minutes. Yes, nine minutes per quarter. No more. I suggest this for several reasons:

• You need rest.  Nine minutes per quarter would bring you down below forty minutes per game. And, no, playing the first three quarters then sitting out the entire fourth in blowouts does not count.
• You are not the offense. The entire Cavs team is the offense. The team was pitiful when you didn’t play. They need to develop with you AND around you. They can’t develop around you if you play 42+ minutes each game. The team should not have a “with LeBron” offense and a “without LeBron” offense. The former works occasionally; the latter doesn’t work at all. The system needs to be developed so that it works no matter who is involved.
• Who knows if Mike Brown’s offense works or not? And who knows if the players are right for the system or not? We’ll all get a better idea about the system and the players if the team actually runs an offense for 48 minutes. At this time, I’d say that’s a bigger opportunity when you are not in the game.

5 – Points. I think five to six points per quarter is sufficient. Turn it up in the second half if you need to, but, for Heaven’s sake, give the system a chance to work in the first half.

3 – Assists. Doesn’t that sound good, twelve assists per game? That would mean you have to play the system each and every quarter, not just when it’s to your benefit.

1 – Hockey assist. You know, the pass that leads to the pass that sets up the basket? And I don’t even care if the true assist comes off your own basket. If you get four hockey assists per game, that means there are at least four times per game that you are not the person responsible for controlling the play (or the shot clock).

1 – Free-throw assist. This is my own term. For each time you make a pass that results in a trip to the foul line, whether it’s an “and one” situation or not – you are eligible for a free-throw assist. Each foul shot made gets you half a free-throw assist. I’d like to get greedy and up this to 1.5-2 free-throw assists per quarter, but I’ll leave it at one for now.

All of these numbers cause you to stay engaged in the offensive system, and to keep your team involved. Think about it for a sec: 20+ points, 12 assists, 4 hockey assists, 4 free-throw assists. You become directly responsible for, at minimum, 48 points per game. You are indirectly responsible for at least another eight if those hockey assists don’t become your points. And you’ll get a lot less double- and triple-teaming in the fourth quarter because you are keeping the ball active, and you’re not the only one handling it.

Is this suggestion realistic? I don’t know. All I can say is that I assign no ceiling to you. I’ve watched you and listened to you for five years. You can do it…if you want to.

Mikey…make it happen. Show that you are the great coach that I think you are. Show that you can install a system on offense that works, as long as the players work it.

Honorable Mention goes to a local Cleveland bar. Last November, they scheduled my band to play three gigs there in 2008. They were all scheduled, confirmed, and double-confirmed on one phone call. Funny, the chick that booked us has no recollection of the first and third gigs, but has the middle gig on the calendar. Don’t want to know what she’s been drinking, smoking or snorting. My drummer has booked gigs for 20+ years, and this has never happened to him before.  The worst part of this is that we gigged two nights ago, and had great response.  The common question was: where else do you play in the area (meaning, the east side of Cleveland)?  Well, the answer would have been this particular bar, this coming Saturday.  Now we have to look for another place to book on the northeast side of Cleveland, and these things take time.  Ugh!