Records? What Records?

IOTW candidate #2, week of 2/23/2009

Living in an age dominated by lawsuits and Sarbanes-Oxley, I know the importance of good record keeping, and so does my employer.  You would think that those implementing solutions for the federal government would recognize and abide by record retention requirements.

Or, maybe not.   The nominees are neither the Bush Administration nor the Obama administration, but the contractors that implemented the half-baked solution.

Yes, we are assuming this was a contract job.  If it wasn’t, then the Bush Administration will be the nominee.  Either way, some real idiots blew it on this project.

It Was Just A Teeny-Weeny Error

IOTW candidate #1, week of 2/23/2009

Several years ago, when Butch Davis was the coach of the Cleveland Browns, his starting quarterback went down with an injury.  During a press conference, Davis called it a “teeny-tiny little hairline fracture of a non weight-bearing bone”.  What he was trying to say was, “move along, nothing to see here”.

The quarterback really never recovered for the remainder of the season.

What would he say today about this?   That it was just an eentsy-weentsy patch of ice?  Or that it really wasn’t all that thick?  Or that the sensor had a teeny-tiny problem?  I wonder.

Just remember, global warming does exist, regardless of how misleading the measurements and models really are.

The Sin Tax Blues

Sin taxes.  They are used to build pro sports facilities. You know, things that are used anywhere from eight (football) to eighty-one (baseball) times per year, and may or may not have a positive economic return for the city.  All for bread and circuses, as a friend of mine would say.

Commit the sin, pay the tax.  All is good.  Well, kind of.  It’s a consumption tax, and people choose to consume and pay the tax.

Pity the poor Oregonians.  They just want to drink a refreshing beverage from their local micro-brew, and may have to deal with this.  Their political “leaders” are this week’s Idiots of the Week.  Have a drink on me!

Freedom of Speech on a College Campus

IOTW candidate #3, week of 2/16/2009

The title sounds like a painting more than a blog post. But this next candidate is a “professor” at a college. It’s a good thing he is open minded, tolerant, and accepting of other person’s viewpoints, just like he probably preaches to his students.

Of course, the story was reported by the media, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it is true any more.  I could turn around just as easily and nominate the plaintiff if he is found to be, um, “less than honest”.

Trickle Down Economics, Beer Style

IOTW candidate #2, week of 2/16/2009

Hey!

Yeah, you!

Ya thirsty?

Ya live in Oregon?

Ya support micro-breweries?

Then what do ya think about this?

I think it’s kind of funny that the lawmakers would think the producers would, um, consume the tax.  They will pass it down the line, to the distributors, who will then pass it down to the consumer.

Who is in line to lose?  The producers, that’s who!  The ones who put corporate income tax into the state coffers.

Not all people drink with the intent of getting drunk.  Many like a good, cold brew when they get home from their jobs.  And they want something better than Busch or Miller Lite (no disrespect).  But the trickle-down taxonomics can only hurt the state.

Hold It!

IOTW candidate #1, week of 2/16/2009

Hold it!

No!  I don’t mean for you to stop what you are doing.  Unless you are headed in the direction of your bathroom, loo, commode, or whatever you call it.  Think twice before going.  You see, it could cost you.

Waste not, want not.  I understand.   But this could cause a big stink.   Think about it for a minute.  There’s a world wide recession, don’t you know?  And the Aussies have to conserve water.  So charge per flush, instead of per volume of water used.

Let’s see…you want to charge me for flushing.  I want to save money.  “Love” is in the air!

Could it work?  Maybe.  Should it work?  I don’t know.

If they want people to flush less so that the country can conserve more, why don’t they just raise the rates?  If people flush less, they save money and conserve water.  If they don’t, there is more money for the country’s coffers.  It’s a win/win situation.

And you can take that one to the commode!

Money Pacifies Me

It is true that the Congress found a way to stomp all over states’ rights again with the political stimulation bill that passed last week. Hopefully, a state or two or fifty will file a lawsuit. But then, who could trust the Supreme Court if it got that far, any way.

So instead of including a last minute entry into this week’s IOTW contest, I figured instead I would give it to someone who knows the politicians’ best trick, anyway, which is getting OPM.

This week’s winner is Lucie J. Kim. As much as Oscar the Grouch and Congress deserve it, I’ll give it to Lucie for trying to extort $4 billion from Miley Cyrus.

Grow up, babe.  You may not win $4 billion, but you did win the Idiot of the Week award.

Just keep repeating to yourself:

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but money pacifies me
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but money pacifies me
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but money pacifies me

Pity the Suffering Masses

IOTW candidate #2, week of 2/9/2009

Miley Cyrus did something really stupid the other day.  Her friends kind of had a hand in it.  They decided, much like the Spanish Olympic basketball team, to “emulate” those of Asian descent while being photographed.

Was it childish?  Yes.  But Miley & Co. aren’t the nominees.

Lucie J. Kim, the gal who is initiating a $4 billion – yes, BILLION – class action lawsuit against Miley Cyrus is.

Everybody chant along with me:

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but money pacifies me.
(Repeat it ’til you believe it)

Instead of being insulted and offended when Obama said I cling to guns and religion, or when Al Franken dissed me for my beliefs, what I should have done was sued them because I’m a thin-skinned ninny.  At least, then, I’d have something to show for my suffering…even if it wasn’t pride or self-respect.

Politican vs. Politician

IOTW candidate #1, week of 2/9/2009

This is just too funny.  President Obama makes what looks like an innocuous, reasonable statement about corporate and government junkets on the taxpayer’s dollar.  Sure, companies need to travel and go to conventions as the norm for their industry.  The point was that companies should be budgeting for these trips, not using Political Stimulation cash to fund them.  Yeah, yeah, companies can do what they want with their money, and can act stupid if they desire.  That’s not my point.  This is:

The Mayor of Las Vegas, Oscar “don’t call me a grouch” Goodman, spins the comments to mean, “President Obama said no one should travel to Las Vegas”.

Dude, the President did not say that people shouldn’t travel.  For what, exactly, does President Obama owe you an apology?

That’s the double-edged sword of supporting a tourism-based economy.  I feel your pain.  The worse the economy gets, the less that people can travel.  You shouldn’t be pork-i-fied (would that be second hand pork?), and neither should anyone else.

Deal with it.  Waah!

This Ain’t No Disco

This ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco
- Life During Wartime, Talking Heads

In my ongoing attempts to locate and call out idiots of all races, creeds, colors and political persuasions, I strive to avoid the super-obvious candidates for Idiot of the Week.  Some times, though, like this week, the super-obvious was too significant to avoid.

Thank you to everyone who has been a first-time visitor over the last couple weeks.   If you haven’t seen the “About” page, we present the Idiot of the Week award (mostly) once per week, some time over the weekend or Monday night.  We take nominations from all walks of life.

Feel free to nominate your candidates for Idiot of the Week.  Your candidates can come from anywhere: politics, sports, religion, media, business, and even some local doofus who should have his fifteen minutes of fame.  Like this guy that cut down trees on Earth Day.

This is not a political site, although political rants may rear their ugly head when appropriate.  However, folks like A-Rod, Barry Bonds, Sean Penn, Madonna and lesser-known equivalents deserve their day in the sun, too.  After all, politicians aren’t the only idiots.

Help us root them out.

Thanks.