Organizational Dynamics, Sports Edition

Did you know that I spent a couple days in the hospital last week?  However, due, to HIPPA regulations, I couldn’t tell any of my employees.  I could only tell my manager, and he really couldn’t tell any of my co-workers, either.    My co-workers did call me and send me some text messages, though, to send along their well wishes.

In essence, I promised not to disclose my condition to anyone.

My boss only called me once when I was in the hospital.  My boss’s boss, the CIO, didn’t call me.

The idiot!  I can’t believe he cares so little for me.  Doesn’t he realize how much I do for him?  I give 55-60 hours a week to his projects, just so he can make the big bucks.  And he can’t even give me a single, stinking call.

The idiot!

Okay, I really didn’t spend a couple days in the hospital.  Kellen Winslow did last week.  And his boss’s boss – Phil Savage, the General Manager of the Cleveland Browns – didn’t call him.

Poor boy.  I feel so sorry for you.

People are debating whether the Browns have a problem with staph infections at their training and practice facility.  I am not going to discuss the merits of that opinion.  It may be true.  But Winslow’s reaction was way out of line.  Kellen, grow up!  Your freedom to speak your mind doesn’t mean you should be dumb enough to do it all the time.  You are my Idiot of the Week.

 

Phil, you make your living in an industry full of prima donnas.  You are the personnel manager.  Learn the personnel side of your job.  Pick up the phone and give a call or a text message.  You are my runner up.

Chafing for the Planet

When I read this article, I started laughing like a hyena.

Suffer the little children, right? Ah, that would be so true, all to support the green cause. Cuz, after all, it is all about the children. So what if they have to wear itchy, scratchy diapers that never get cleaned, never get softened, and retain bacteria from the prior, er, episodes. We will do this for the children.

Or will we save the planet?

Yes, the planet comes first, even if we have to lie about it.

It’s a good thing these environmentalists don’t put politics above people.

You Brits. Yeah, you, the ones that think gloabal warming is more important than the truth…you are the Idiots of the Week. Bwahaaahaaahaa!

Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One

Two men walk into a meeting.

You mean a bar, right?

No, I mean a meeting. Trust me, I know this one. I won’t flub it.

Two men walk into a meeting. They don’t walk in together. Frankly, they don’t even walk in. They are in different parts of the country, so they dial in.

But it is not just one mere meeting. It is a multitude of meetings every week, and they almost always have the same players, talking about the same things. The time may change, though; sometimes it is 1pm, sometimes 3pm, and sometimes even a three hour meeting starting at 5pm.

However, our two heroes do not chair these meetings. They are mere participants, bit players – as one of their co-workers calls them, the pimple on the butt of the elephant – in a much larger project initiative. They are the adopted sons of the project, and merely represent the 1,400 employees that will have their livelihood affected by the initiative. They are reminded paradoxically that they are both a significant stakeholder in the initiative, and yet, a minor part of the overall project activity.

Oh, they do more than sit in on meetings. They run departments, run other projects, support production operations, and have personal lives. At least, they think they do. But only if the meetings would stop.

Or at least be productive. And not overtaken by the same guy, every time.

Maybe Dante should have saved a special place in Hell for those who waste everyone else’s time trying to make themselves look good. I think I hear a Bud Light, Real Men of Genius commercial coming on…

boom-boom-ba-doo-doo-doo

Bud Light presents, Real Men of Genius
(Reeeaaaal men of genuis)

Here’s to you, Mr. Worthless Meeting Overscheduler Guy
(Mr. Worthless Meeting Overscheduler Guy)

Proving your worth to your employer
you set up meetings to provide yourself
time to give one or more rambling monologues per day
in front of at least ten well-paid people
(I think I need some coffee!)

Sounding like a motivator,
yet acting like a businessman,
you have them all fooled,
that is, until you start to repeat the same things you said in a meeting
yesterday…and the day before…and the day before that
(Stop me if you’ve heard this!)

You preach productivity,
And you preach teamwork,
But you get lost along the way
(Don’t look him in the eye!)

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, Mr. Oxygen Consumer extraordinaire
Because you teach us all how not to waste other people’s time.
(Mr. Worthless Meeting Overscheduler Guy)

Project “Courage”

I imagine that before America’s founding fathers started penning (quilling?) the Declaration of Independence, two factions participated in the discussion:

• First, the proponents of secession from the monarchy
• Second, those who wanted to remain with the monarchy

We now know who won the overall argument. But I wonder, is it possible that there was a third faction? You know, the one that said it stunk to be part of the monarchy, but, hey, it’s better than rebelling and being squashed! Right?

I mean, think about it. You could dislike the monarchy and the taxes, but think that, with just a little reasoning over time, you could probably convince the Brits that they really needed to take it easy on the colonies. Or, if things went well, the colonists could gain respect and influence with the Brits. After all, anything is possible with enough time and discourse, right?

What would those disgruntled but somewhat satisfied colonists have said to each of the other two factions? I don’t know for sure – I was not alive at that time – but I think I have a good idea.

To the monarch-friendly faction, I think they would say things like this:

• Why won’t you listen to us?
• We have some ideas that might fix the things we don’t like.
• I think I can compromise with you.
• Let’s talk about this.
• The taxes aren’t that bad. At least they let me live on the land.
• It could be worse.

To the proponents of secession, the tone would be a bit different:

• Maybe if we’d just try to understand them, they wouldn’t be so bad.
• Why would you want to risk what you have to break away from the monarchy?
• If you don’t go along with us, we’ll lose everything!
• Don’t threaten my cushy life!
• They’ll quash us! We won’t exist in two years!
• It’ll all be your fault!
• They’ll socialize the country!
• We should reach across the aisle so things don’t get any worse.
• Go ahead! Throw away your vote!
• You stupid fools! How unColonial of you!

Oops. I’m letting my lesson show.

Our liberties are being taken away day by day, and we’re sitting here arguing which bozo (and their willing accomplices in the legislature) will decelerate the disappearing liberty express. Not which will turn it around, but which will slow it down, make it less apparent.

Hey, Republican middle-of-the-roaders, where’s your spirit! Where’s your passion! Where’s the risk and reward in sticking with the candidates being shoved down your throat? (Democrats, you’re no better, so don’t think I’m letting you off the hook.) I’d hate to think where this country would be – if it existed at all – if it weren’t for the colonists willing to risk it all for their liberty.

We are like the frog placed in a pot of cool water. The heat has been turned on for some time, and here we are, not realizing it’s reaching the boiling point.

Or are we the crabs in the pail? One crab tries to crawl out of the pail, and the others pull it back in.

Regardless, pick your analogy. Neither involve risk. Neither involve the opportunity to fail. Yet, in both cases, we fail naturally. If we’re going to lose it all, why not go out in a blaze of glory rather than in a couch-potato state of pseudo-comfort?

Seriously. What happened to the American, “can do” spirit? It doesn’t only apply within the political parties. Most of us could survive if the federal government suddenly became impotent – and that would be a dramatic improvement over its current state!

We can do better than this. Why are you staking your life on two bozos that you know are going to stink up the joint anyway?

Enough of the diatribe…to those willing to risk what they have to improve our liberties, more power to you! To the rest of you…well, you are collectively this week’s winner.

A Recipe for Voter Disenfranchisement

I figured out how to whip up a batch of voter disenfranchisement. And I’m not even a good baker or cook.

1. Take one community organizers group. It could be any one. Let’s just call this one ACORN.
2. Hire folks who are down and out to work your “get out the vote” campaign. You know, campaigns like the one Barack Obama once ran for an organizers’ group called, um, ACORN.
3. Command your workers to canvass the local neighborhoods – the poor ones, you know, where only down and out non-whites live – and harass people into filling in voter registration forms. Have them each do it 2, 3, 5, 10 times, just to make sure they did it right. Be sure not to have them use the names of Dallas Cowboys players, though.
4. Work with a state’s Secretary of State to turn voting laws upside down, primarily by not allowing elections boards to confirm whether the registrations are valid AND by permitting registration and ballot casting to occur on the same day.
5. Have a handful of your workers show up at polling places to, er, “oversee” voting activity.
6. Have another handful of your workers round up adult citizens who couldn’t tie their own shoes, let alone know how to read a ballot, drop them off at the voting precinct, and prepare them to vote.
7. When these fine, upstanding citizens can’t remember their name, address, SSN – or can’t remember the ones their community organizer get-out-the-vote friend told them to use, and are turned away from voting, yell at the top of your voice:

A VOTER IS DISENFRANCHISED!

Not that the voter was legitimate to begin with.

So you take an ineligible voter (or five, or ten or ten-thousand) to a Democrat-led precinct, let them try to vote, and let the chips fall where they may. If only 1,000 of 10,000 are able to vote, you can say that 9,000 citizens were denied their right to vote.

It’s kind of like thinking you deserved a 10% raise, but only got 6%, so you declare that your company lowered your salary by 4%.

We’re disenfranchising non-voters. And elected officials in high places are complicit in this racket.

I’ll I have to say is this: I’m so glad the mainstream media is reporting this. Not. At least Michelle Malkin is on top of things.

Schooled!

This is the tale of two head coaches.  One, the coach of a winless team; the other, the coach of a one-win team.  Both teams are brutally bad for varying reasons, as judged by on-field performance.  With that, one has leadership that makes decisions that undermine their head coach’s philosophy; the other has leadership that publicly supports their head coach.

One had their bye week. The other played this past Sunday, and lost.

So, which is which?  And why is this relevant to the blog?

One of those two leadership groups is winner of this week’s Idiot of the Week.

It must be the leadership of the winless team.

Nope.  Try again.

Of the one-win team?

You are the master of the obvious.  Good job.

But why?

I’m getting there.  But it definitely has to do with the team that played yesterday.  Our winless team had an excellent opportunity to beat their opponent.  Ultimately, it didn’t happen, but I learned a lot about the head coach.  And, by contrast, I learned a lot – or shall I say my thoughts were confirmed – about the one-loss coach.

This winless team had just scored a touchdown to bring them within three points of tying the game or taking the lead in the fourth quarter.  To everyone’s surprise, including the announcers and the opponent, this winless team kicked on onside kick and successfully recovered it.  They were fifty-five yards away from the end zone, and about thirty yards away from attempting a game-tying field goal.

The team did not score, and ultimately lost the game.  However, their head coach took a chance.  He didn’t play to lose.  He didn’t play for respectability.  He played to win.  Even though his leadership undermined his principles earlier in the season.  Even though he has malcontents and show-offs playing for him.

By contrast, the other head coach plays to, well, I don’t know what he plays for.  The love of the game, maybe?  Certainly not to win.  I often doubt it’s even to be respected.  Most often it seems that he play to make it through all sixty grueling minutes.  If his team wins, it’s a good day.  If they lose, well, um, then that’s just the way it is and we have to get better.

Stop teasing.  Tell me which teams you are discussing!

Fine!  Be that way!

The winless team: the Cincinnati Bengals.  With goofball ownership and a coach who may not be a good coach (Marvin Lewis), but at least he plays to win.

The one-win team: the Cleveland Browns.  With ownership that supports their head coach (Romeo Crennel), and even extended his contract after last season, the coach does not know how to play to win.  It’s a mentality thing, you know, and Crennel just doesn’t have it.

And for that, and because of the contract extension, Cleveland Browns leadership gets the Idiot of the Week award.  Congratulations, at least you’ll win something this year.  And by the way, how’s that Steelers rivalry thing going for you?

Predictive Blogging

Let’s just get this out of the way now, shall we? Considering all anyone will hear at the Thursday night VP candidate debate is either crickets or “blah, blah, blah”, I figured I would pre-declare this week’s Idiots of the Week.

Of course, as your dear editor and publisher of SMISLT, unlike the major media outlets, I will be more than willing to correct my mistake if I am wrong. But, for some ungodly reason, I don’t think I have to worry about that.

Let’s hit the candidates first. No, silly, not the VP candidates, the Idiot of the Week candidates (in no particular order):

• Sarah Palin – will parrot John McCain’s campaign lines, especially since playing the maverick would be completely out of line with McCain’s vote on the Senate version of the non-bank bank bailout bill.
• Joe Biden – will say lots of dumb things. After tonight’s Senate vote, he really does not need to say anything of substance anyway, since McCain and the other Republican Senators handed Obama the keys to daddy’s car.
• The RNC / McCain campaign – just for existing
• The DNC / Obama campaign – for existing as a facade, and not showing America how Obama would preside over this great nation.
• The MSM – Biden will be awesome as the affable goofball – you know, your oddball uncle? – yet still manage to look Vice Presidential. Palin will look like someone that did not go to an Ivy League school, and is out of touch with Washington DC politics. But they will get it right that Republicans sold their minions down the river.
• Fox News – McCain is doing the right thing for the country, and conservatives just need to stick with him.
• The zealots in both parties, via blogs – libs will say they are 3.5 months away from living in utopia; conservatives will say they are that far away from living in hell.

What I wrote initially upon drafting this post, prior to the Senate vote:

The winner will end up being none of them. It will be President George Bush. Why? Because practically everything will point back to his failed policies, his inability to support his base, and his overwhelming urge to “reach across the aisle” with people who really don’t want to co-habitate the Federal government. Even when things should also point to Clinton, Bush I, and Carter, they won’t. They will point to Bush, because he is the magnet, whether right or wrong. But I say, “Mostly right.”

Strike that; reverse it. Not because the sentiment was wrong, though.

What I say now is:

The winner will be the Republican Party, for failing to realize, yet again, that you don’t negotiate with terrorists and you don’t turn your back on your constituents. They just don’t get it, and deserve to die as a party. I’d say the same about the Democratic Party, but they will eventually steal the name “the American People’s Party” (or is that the People’s Party of America?) when over 60% of the voting population declares that all big industry should be controlled by the legislature.

Maybe I’ll be the idiot; regardless of how this whole mess turns out, I’ll still spend 90 minutes of my Thursday night watching the debate, if only to confirm how far the Republican Party has fallen.