Premium Pricing, Just For You

As I explained in this post, a co-worker of mine got into an accident. She totaled her car, and now has to buy a new one. She would like to replace the make/model she has now with the same. Let’s say it is a “legacy car” because it runs on gas. It is not a hybrid, an electric, or a fuel cell powered car.

My co-worker lives in Ft. Lauderdale, and does her car shopping around Miami. She learned something interesting this week. The new model year of “legacy cars” qualifies for premium pricing: as incentive to people to buy environmentally friendly cars, the dealerships are raising the price of gas-consuming cars so that the incentive to buy green cars increases. Hey, if both types of car cost the same, why not go green, right? Well, unless you are now priced out of the new car market completely. And, wait, aren’t almost all used cars “legacy cars”…?

Ah, yes, I forgot what “green” really symbolized: the money to be made by the auto dealerships. Yes, it is their perogative to earn a profit, but to screw the public at the same time under the guise of environmentalism is quite…er…familiar. Which makes these benevolent car dealerships the Idiots of the Week.

Runner up for the Idiot of the Week: some 50-something dude whose lawnmower stopped working, so he shot it. Yep, with a shotgun. How’s that for using your noggin’? (I have no link to the story; I saw it on Earthlink’s news site last week, but did not copy the link.)

I won’t get in trouble for saying “noggin”, will I? Just askin’.

Down Time

Take away, take away
take away this ball and chain
for I’m lonely, and I’m tired
and I can’t take any more pain
Ball and Chain, Social Distortion

You have to give it up to the person that convinced us that we need to go wireless “for all the right reasons”.  You know: never out of touch, easy to reach, able to contact help in case of an emergency.  Yada, yada, yada.

For almost twenty years now, I have been…um…connected.  First, the pager.  Then, the cell phone.  Then the crackberry, only to leave that job and go back to the cell phone.  What the spin meisters failed to mention is that this means anyone can reach you whenever they want.  24×7, 3×5, whatever “all day, all night” jargon you want to use.

It’s the ball and chain.  Sometime, it’s tough to stay away.  Especially when your corporate phone calls on your personal cell phone doubles your phone bill for the month.

I requested and received a crackberry today so I don’t impact my personal finances by going over on my cell phone minutes.  I am again available around the clock – via e-mail and phone.  So much for down time.  Yuck!

We’ll see if I use the crackberry in moderation or not.

Still, I gotta hand it to the marketing folks that convinced everyone to be available all the time.  Look at how well it has improved our driving habits.

Chewing the Fat

Okay, okay, I admit it is difficult writing this post without using all the obvious jokes.  But here it is, in my home state no less.

There are sooooooooo many things wrong with this story.  Where should I start?

• The subjects of the story?  Nah, they’re just gullible people who have a hard time getting a job, right?
• The NPR journalist?  Maybe.  She was just doing her job, but she really picked a bad subject for her political, “life is tough” object lesson.
• The NPR editor?  I could make a case for this, especially since he was willing to put a picture of the subjects on the NPR web page.
• Me?  Why would I be in the wrong?  It’s because I wasn’t smart enough to complain to someone that I cannot afford extras like ice cream.  Had I griped eons ago, who know what could have happened?  I tighten my belt (oops, sorry) when necessary.  Maybe I should have been gorging myself so I could have complained to some “educated” journalist about how hard times are.  After all, bon bons are expensive, and it’s hard to get them from the fridge myself when I can’t get off the couch.  Couldn’t FedEx just deliver them to my TV tray on a scheduled basis?

I work with someone who is as big as the subjects of the article.  She eats breakfast when she gets to work, has a snack an hour or so later…then another one.  Then she eats lunch, and will hit the vending machine a couple times in the afternoon to satisfy her cravings.  Fifteen minutes of walking exercise per day might be difficult, but it would help.  So would managing her diet.  (I know, some people would say she is.)

The winner of this week’s award – aside from Amazon and their S3 application, which won’t allow me to access my SMISLT first place winner graphics – is NPR.  The political point to their article was that everyday people like you and me are cutting back on the extras in their grocery shopping because of the country’s economic problems.  Sorry, folks, but these ladies aren’t everyday people like you and me.

Rainbow Hole

In order to be all things to all people, let’s just forget color altogether.

Wait a second, you can’t do that.  Black is the absence of all color.

Darn, so much for that.  Okay, then we’ll go with all colors.

Can’t do that, either.  White is the presence of all color.

Okay, I got one on you then.  Let’s diffuse all colors through the prism.  That way, we see each color for what it is on its own: distinct, beautiful, independent.  Forget about the frequencies working together to give us beautiful light.  That’s racist.  See, when things or people work together, they give up their individuality.  We just can’t do that; we must let everyone be themselves.

It’s then in the best interest for us to include color in everything we discuss.  How do we do that without making it look racist?  That’s easy: replace “black” and “white” with “rainbow”.

So, when John Wiley Price, Dallas Commissioner, got offended by the term “black hole“, maybe his counterpart, Kenneth Mayfield, should have called it a “rainbow hole”.

Let me try this in a language John Wiley Price may understand:

Yo, homey.  You ain’t nuthin.  You ain’t keepin’ it real.  Yu’z dissin the crew.  Black hole, dude! It’s a science term.  Know what I’m sayin’?

John Wiley Price, you are the Idiot of the Week.  You’re so dumb, you don’t deserve the prize.

Then there’s Jessie Jackson…too dumb to know a mic was on?  Yeah, right.  How dare Obama declare black – I mean “rainbow” – adults responsible for their actions.  It flies totally in the face of everything Jackson has build for himsel…er, for the repressed people of color.  Jessie, you would also get a lifetime Idiot achievement award if I offered it.

Then there are the folks freaking out teenagers and adults over wealth redistribution – I mean, global warming.

You’re all dumb and manipulative.  None of you deserve the award.  I don’t care if you’re rainbow, rainbow, or rainbow.   Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Lack of Discrimination

Ya gotta love this disposable world of ours.  Don’t like something?  Throw it out, and buy a better replacement.  Tired of following a losing sports team?  Change allegiances to a front-runner?  Can’t afford your house?  Simply walk away.

And then you have Madonna, A-Rod and Christine Brinkley.  Something wrong with your marriage?  The answer is simple: throw it away and try again.  Or simply test the market to see if something better is out there.

I’m not saying that Brinkley’s fourth husband was in the right.  He’s an idiot, too.  It is not my intent to comment on those divorce proceedings.

We have so many choices, so many options, that we stop discerning – discriminating – about the options, and go with the option that looks/feels/sounds/smells the best.  Heck with what’s best in the long term; there is no “long term” any more.  We can merely replace the object or relationship that is no longer to our liking.

Don’t think we’ve lost our ability to discriminate?  Look at our two presidential candidates.  And look at how we “church shop”.  ‘Nuff said.

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Now, on to this week’s topics, which may provide us with our Idiots of the Week:

1. The climate change delusion
2. The hole of a different color
3. The nut job (this one is almost too easy)

Jeff Foxworthy Would Be Proud

Maybe my elementary school science teachers were all wrong.  After all, they taught me about the oxygen/carbon dioxide cycle between animals and plants.  And I guess that there was something incorrect about that, at least I thought so after watching all the environmental science programs on television lately.

Or, maybe, they weren’t dumb after all.  Maybe the scientists that made this “discovery” are the ones that aren’t smarter than a fifth grader.

Since when have we ignored basic science for the sake of politics?  Never mind; don’t answer that.

A Triumvirate of Idiocy

I thought I had some awesome Idiot of the Week candidates identified last week (see them here).  As much as I’d like to deem the local politicians the winners, and give honorable mentions to gas for sex folks and the “black national anthem” babe, I can’t do it.  Not after hearing what I heard today.

A co-worker of mine in Florida had her car hit by a drunk driver on July 2.  Her car was hit as she was making a left turn, and her driver side door was hit directly.  She was pushed into ongoing traffic, and two other cars were incidentally hit as well.  Her airbag deployed, then her car caught on fire.  Somehow, she got herself out of the passenger side window.  She has neck and back pain, her car is practically totaled, and she’s paying for a rental car out of pocket for now.

So, how does that accident account for a Triumvirate of Idiocy?

Let me explain.  The winners are:

1. The drunk driver, for obvious reasons.
2. The Miami/Dade police.  They showed up an hour after the accident.  By then, the drunk driver was no longer drunk, and passed a breathalizer test.  And because of the location of the accident and the position of the car, the cops couldn’t decide who was at fault, so didn’t cite the driver for the accident.  And they didn’t get him for speeding, either.  They only got him for crashing the red light, then let him go.  Great job, guys.
3. eSurance.com – of the three insurance companies invoked for the accidents, eSurance was the largest carrier.  They are the only ones who haven’t initiated the claim yet, and it is now July 7.  My co-worker was the only person to be injured in the accident, yet has no representation or cash to show for it.  I only know of two people that use eSurance, and I only know of them because they’ve both had horrendous claims service experience.

I normally don’t recommend attorneys be sought out for car accidents, but I think it is preferable in this instance.

My thoughts and prayers go out to my co-worker.

Independence Week Idiocy

It’s almost Independence Day.  And there’s nothing more patriotic than celebrating the idiocy that freedom brings with it.

Okay, so we really should be celebrating the birth of our great country, and remembering all those who have sacrificed their lives so that people, today, can act like idiots.

Let’s start with the singer who couldn’t sing the Star Spangled Banner.  Oh say, I can’t see what my contract says.

Then we’ll continue with these two bozos.  I haven’t yet determined if they are equally stupid, or if one is more stupid than the other.

Finally, we will consider the only thing more patriotic than baseball, hot dogs and apple pie: big government.  One of Cleveland’s City Council members is recommending that the Council reduce their size by four councilmen, while another says the Council should be reduced by six.  Considering the population of the city continues to decline, this is really a good idea.  Well, at least to those Councilmen who don’t consider it racist.

Happy Independence Day!  Your winners (losers?) will be announced after the holiday.